Test Report 2, Beluga Airplane

This is Dr. Stanislaw Todorov, reporting on the second stage of the field testing of the experimental Beluga airplane. Testing progresses more rapidly than I had hoped for, and Asia offered a versatile range of testing scenarios. I am happy to put tiny check marks in the little boxes that indicate that the Beluga has performed to my fullest expectations in the standard test scenarios for river landing, river take-off, temple landing, temple take-off, robot pickup with magnetic grappling hook and slingshot maneuver for steamboat into ironclad.

Sidenote I: I video-graphed an exciting operation Dr. Killstone performed on a tanned, exotic gentleman called the Llama. (I assumed that this must be his spirit animal of sorts, which I find peculiar, since I thought that Llamas are only native to South America. But who knows what happens in the minds of other people). The Llama then invited us to demonstrate my new plane to his people. There was also ethnic food which I unfortunately could not eat, since there was no appropriate silverware.

Sidenote II: I wonder if Dr. Killstone could also attach a less human arm? Maybe one that was enhanced with some mechanical parts to make it more efficient. I shall suggest such a research endeavor over tea, after I finish upgrading Hauser’s propulsion jet system.

Who was that marked man?

The Lemon Lemming sits grimly in the cockpit of Dr Stanislaw’s monstrous seaplane and thinks back to what had just occurred...
Everything had happened so fast. Too fast.
The paddle steamer. The Iron clad. The Lama under attack. The leap. The multiplying white ninjas.
Ultimately everything had, sort of, worked out and they’d even saved (most of) the Lama they’d been sent to rescue.
But who was that old, but incredibly agile, leader of the white ninjas?
And more importantly, how had he known so much about him and his associates?
Somehow, he was able to use psychology against him!
He’d tricked him into abandoning the Lama to save the young English girl instead.
One thing was certain though; if they meet again, he’ll kill that inscrutable Chinaman before he can slip away.

Test Report 1, Beluga Airplane

This is Dr. Stanislaw Todorov, reporting on the endurance test of the experimental Beluga airplane. Initial testing proceeded without incident, and we made it to Asia without any loss in performance or structural integrity.

Sidenote: The environment in Shanghai seems to be somewhat counterindicative to the deployment of robotic systems, such as Hauser. Detrimental environmental factors include humidity, abundance of airborne micro particles (dust), and Asian people with guns.

Sidenote II: I was surprised how fast the authorities reacted to my complaint about malfunctioning local (Japanese) law enforcement. Their way of apologizing did not really conform to my British expectations, but I will just excuse that based on cultural differences. Dealing with humans is hard enough in one’s own culture. To my delight the local authorities suggested an additional test scenario, [river landing] which game me the opportunity to equipped the Beluga with a tiltrotor mechanism, enabling both vertical takeoff and landing (VTOL), and short takeoff and landing (STOL) capability.

Personal note: This might prove to be a very interesting trip after all. I believe we are now approaching the testing side Mr. Knight has selected, and there is even a convenient local conflict we can use to test the Beluga under “real life” conditions. I will continue my report after the next test scenario has been completed.

>>For some real world comparison, just imagine our airplane is the lovechild of those two airplanes:
Osprey & Beluga

HMS Cockchafer - an exposition

-So, tell me again, why are we speeding up this river?

-Well, you see, we are the British Navy, and it is our duty to protect the shipping of the British and other allied nations to and from the treaty ports here.

-So we are in control of this area?

-No, we can only protect the trade between the treaty ports. Anything that isn’t going to the treaty ports are fair game for anyone. This is all Sichuan province, and the countryside is ruled by warlords. The guy in charge around here is a man called Yang Sen, and he is a bloody lunatic they say. He apparently thinks he can find immortality by eating gold or something.

-Does it work?

-Beats me, but if what I heard at Madame Xu’s up in Chonqing is anything to go by….He is in very good shape.

-Oh….

-Anyway, we are not to bother him, and he is not to bother the shipping and then he can bother bandits, rebels and other warlords and we can happily speed up the river.

-So why are we speeding up this river?

-We are speeding up because our captain has told us to. The captain said that our guest is a close relative of pig face, but to be fair, I doubt she is, she is much to good-looking.

-Pig Face?

-You know…. Liu Xiang, the governor of Chongqing? Anyway, apparently there is a problem up-river with some dignitary and we have to sort it out.

-Hang on, can you see that?

- What is it? Some sort of plane? An airship? What is it doing?

-Shit!

A Deckhanger ending…

With a satisfying crunch, Dr Todorov’s fantastical flying hanger, slams backward into the brightly painted, wooden bow of the incongruous Paddle steamer.
The Lemon Lemming grunts as he uses the momentum of the impact to enhance his leap from the tail of the ‘Beluga’ to the top set of deck rails of the decorative ship.
Ignoring the screams of the panicking passengers, the yellow masked mystery man, smashes through the ornate glass doors, just in time to see the white clad ninjas swarming toward the Doolally Lama and his entourage.
A quick look around does nothing to help the situation. The inside of the ‘boat’ is in complete contrast to the outside. A massive room with private booths surrounds a small stage area and ‘tranquil’ water feature.
The White ninjas are moments away from their target and he is a boat length away on the other side of a sheer drop.
Suddenly the Lemon Lemming notices the crystal chandelier hanging between them.
Could he make the leap?

With heroes like these....

Armoured Monstrosity Attacks Opium Smugglers

Shanghai Star - Roland Melbridge

Panic broke out in the Chinese quarter Tuesday night as the Shanghai Municipal Police unleashed the might of its newest weapon against the organised crime syndicates that are plaguing our beautiful city. Initial reports of a raging gun battle between Japanese security forces and Western gangsters were attributed to the confusion that reigned due to the deployment of a LOcaL SECurity automaton(LOLSEC) in conjunction with Elite Japanese officers led to the arrest of several leading members of a drug smuggling gang, as well as the destruction of a large warehouse filled to the brim with opium.

Stirling Fessenden of the Shanghai Municipal Council gave this statement to the Star:

The Municipal Council is grateful for being chosen to test this newest invention of Dr. Todorow's. I believe that it will revolutionise law enforcement in the future and its test has truly given Shanghai its place in policing history. In addition, we have managed to strike a blow at the criminals that riddle our city.

When asked about the reports that the Japanese and the robot were exchanging fire, he had this to say:

Dr Todorow? Shooting at police? The very thought is preposterous. Not only is he a decorated hero of the Great War, but he is renowned for his belief in the creation of a more orderly society. He would be the last person to disrupt the running of our great city. I must remind you that most of the witnesses were chinese labourers who obviously panicked at such a great display of western industrial might. I have personally discussed the event with another decorated war hero, the young Viscount Wymbourne Knight, and it is clear that both Todorow, Lord Wymbourne and their compatriot, Mr Wesley Bitter were conducting themselves with the greatest decorum and sensitivity. As for the damage to the warehouse, it did belong to opium-smuggling villains, and truly, who needs villains?

City of Vice

Shanghai 192x: The most vibrant city on the planet. The most wicked city on the planet. A place where fortunes are made in deals in the opulent boardrooms of the bund and in the back alleys of the Chinese quarter. Home to countless opium smugglers, gangsters, prostitutes, businessmen, adventurers, diplomats and missionaries, it is the gateway to the vast territories along the Yangtse River.

In the Shanghai Club, Fessenden sat back in his leather chair, pushing his glasses up, smiling what he thought was a disarming smile. He did not like this man, A Chinese, how on earth did he even get in? He was too thin, his posture was too straight, and that cup in his hand contained only tea. Fessenden reached for his glass of Scotch, looking at the Russian translator as he began to speak.

We do not consider the communists a threat, Mr Fessenden. In fact, the opinion of the Chinese Revolutionary Party here in Shanghai is that all Chinese need to unite and end the reign of the warlords that too long have taken advantage of the vacuum left by the corrupt Manchu emperors. As for the matter of the smuggling syndicates…one consider such concern regarding opium trade a bit odd for a British official.

“Damn it, man, I am an American! Do we all look the same to you yellow devils?”

Fessenden couldn’t be sure, but for a second, he thought that the Chinese man’s composure slipped and he saw the shadow of a smile play on his lips as he responded. The thick Russian accent of the translator relayed his words, as the Chinese men stood up to leave.

“Wouldn’t that be amusing, Mr. Fessenden? As it is, I think you might have a point regarding the communists. We will watch them carefully. Still, there is the matter of the Warlords of the Sichuan basin. They are loyal to us now, but if we move against their livelihood, they will not be as pliable.”

Fessenden drained his scotch and looked to the long bar. The third impossible guest of the day, returned his gaze. Straightening her chipao, she walked languidly to stand behind him. Fessenden looked straight out towards the Huangpo river and nodded to himself.

“It can’t be helped, you can begin.”

The woman smiled knowingly, “I shall do my best, Stirling.”

When Fessenden turned around, the woman had gone.